E.P.I.C.

Well, happy birthday Jared. I hope Hercoolies is doing fine right now and will be at least moderately attended to. He has mine/Cheng Hong/Yao Yun's numbers, so if anything goes wrong during 'nunchuck practice', we would probably find out.

Of course I shouldn't be wasting my time posting this and should hide my laptop somewhere unreachable, but I personally think that the 19th of October 2009 had been a rather eventful day. We made our own baby - sure, we got caught half way through, and suffered minor yet memorable shocking moments towards the end of the process. It was fun.

Since we are quite proud of this 'project', as the passers-by call it, I shall share it with you!

Click & link away to the online manual: How To Have Your Own Pet Rock.

Warning: It is addictive.

**********

Dear Mr. Goon,

Did you know that German researchers have found that the risk of heart attacks is higher on Mondays than any other day of the week? What a refreshing way to start off the week! (You are reading this on a Sunday)

Feeling blue lately? Looking for a steady companionship but afraid to commit? How about those lonely nights? Well, have we got the answer for you! We have observed you (with implied permission) over the past month or so and have deduced a perfect solution to your particular condition. Please, do not hesitate to execute our ingenious proposition below. We assure you healthier and more joyful days ahead.

Disclaimer in very fine print
Please note the usual disclaimer: We accept no responsibility whatsoever for the accuracy or safety of what follows, neither is there a warranty involved. There shall be no consideration of other implied or verbal terms of contract. We are awesome.

Congratulations! You are now a proud owner of a PET ROCK! This handbook consists of some suggestions to how you can enhance the adjustment process and relationship building between you and your new best friend, your pet rock. OORAH!

The partner in crime, with pink shades added on.

Our to-do list.

"WHY are we doing this, Christina?"

#1: Find rock.

I didn't know these existed in my backyard and front porch.

See my turtles!

We weren't satisfied with the rocks at my house, so we scouted my neighbours' houses. We saw one pretty good looking rock at my next door neighbour's pond. We decided to ask if we could have it.

There's me asking if I could have a rock.

"What. If a pretty girl rang my doorbell and ask for a rock, it would be a good start to my day!"

I look fat in the picture, btw.

Hence, began the selection process. We took half an hour to find the perfect rock.

#9: Get shoe box; #5: Make nest @ shoe box; #6: And possible habitual area @ twigs, paper, soil.

Picture on the right: Cheng Hong suggested to put in a jacuzzi. When I found the small container, he was complaining that the jacuzzi was too small, Hercoolies wouldn't be able to fit, etc. And then he paused, "Okay, stop. It's just, a rock."

It's squishy!

Soil. We found this at my front porch too! I never knew anyone in my family was into gardening *shrugs.

"Should we put more soil?"

"I wonder if this is my good angle. Would I look fat in the picture?"

We got our down and dirty to try to make a good nest like the birds do. Quite pass.

Nest try #1 didn't provide enough support for Hercoolies, which might result in backbone complications in the future. So we fixed it. Now he can sit upright!

#2: Buy eyes; #3: Decorate rock @ Hercules' toga (fail).
I coated Hercoolies with glow-in-the-dark nail polish.

Kantoi.

My mum came home.

Cheng Hong and I were upstairs at the computer printing the manual.

We left the table downstairs in a mess with nail polish, rocks, the nest, shredded paper, scissors, glue, etc.

JENGJENGJENG.

You have no idea, okay *sobs.

"Mummy, Cheng Hong's gay."

SHO CUTE!

We left the house distraught.

Starbucks did an amazing job with their Iced Caramel Cream Latte! *excited

Satisfied with the purchased compensating drink that was really, really good, Cheng Hong was led to park legally in the Monash car park. As we got down from the car and walked across the bridge relieved, we smiled, "We made it!"

However, due to some unexplainable series of events at the entrance, Cheng Hong's arm hit my arm which was carrying the box. Splat! It flew and landed right smack in the middle of the road, the contents scattered.

We stood there, stunned.

GG.

GG @ basement.

But we fixed it.

#4: Give mullet (compromised).

Finally!

And there you have it, Mr. Goon - 12 simple steps to a healthier life. We have taken the initiative to start you off with a complimentary pet rock just because you are YOU. We want you to know that you are special and shoes are for wusses.

Given Name: Hercoolies Manlily Go'on
Gender: Male
Age: 2 months (1 rock year = 87.3 human years)
Date of Birth: 18th October 2009, Sunday
Origin: Paradise Falls

Height: 2.5 inches
Width: 2.5 inches
Weight: 300 grams

Strength: 10/10
Defense: 8/10
Agility: 2.5/10
Intelligence: Unreported

A brief personality description: Prefers to be one with nature (dislikes clothing and enjoys current habitat). Has the persuasive capability of a hamster and is vigilant to its surroundings. Would make a good guard-rock with minimal training. Very cute.

With much love, thought and research,

Yao ‘Smokin’ Hot’ Yun

Ch’eng ‘Sexyback’ Hong

Chris ‘Hornybrows’ Tina

Wow?