The King on a Cross

It’s raining.

It rained on every Good Friday as far back as I can remember. One year when I was young, I remember getting nervous as the skies darkened. The clouds lay low and they were heavy. Obviously, a thunderstorm was on its way. Before I said anything, my Mum said, “Girl, today is Good Friday. Jesus died for us on the Cross today, and we remember that He died to save us.” Maybe Children’s Church helped me understand that, or maybe God knew exactly what He wanted to chisel in my heart.

Another year when I was a little more grown up and angsty and learnt the word “EMO”, I voiced out with a little angst, “Mummy, I’m EMO today. Why?” expecting an answer like a typical teenager. She replied, “Because Jesus died for you today, and your spirit knows it.” I looked at her, somehow convinced, “Yeah, I think so too.” Maybe XYZ helped me understand that, or maybe God knew exactly what He wanted to chisel in my heart.

Last year when I had started working, I only remember my Easter: Redemption at more than Arm’s length.

This year, Good Friday comes a few days after a day of soul-searching. I didn’t have to search deep to realize how much I sought assurance, and how much I had given up in that pursuit of assurance. Bawled my eyes out as His gentle voice whispered, “It’s okay, Jesus knows, and Jesus loves.” There was a question my heart asked as I re-digested that I am found in Christ, “Do You still love me?”

Today is Good Friday. And I know I am loved in a Love everlasting because Jesus died to save me, and my spirit knows it. Maybe growing up in church helped me understand that, but I think God has always known exactly what He wants to chisel in my heart.